Chess, Anyone?

He was trying to schedule a Tuesday evening dinner meeting with a client and needed to see if the evening was free. His secretary checked his schedule and told him that he had something booked for Tuesday night –chess night. Would he like her to cancel chess night? No, indeed! He’d book the meeting on Wednesday instead.

The secretary imagined a mahogany walled clubroom with red leather furniture, deep plush carpeting, sweet smelling clouds of pipe tobacco hanging in the corners of the high ceiling, wool vested male twosomes hunched over gleaming wooden chessboards studiously moving small marble pieces to check mate.

When she asked him about chess night, he told her that chess night was with his wife—a quiet night at home with the family and then after the children were in bed, the two of them played chess. His schedule was very busy with meetings, clients in town, late nights at the office. Not wanting to neglect the most important relationship in his life, he’d scheduled evenings with his wife, writing them on the calendar.

How many times have we let our relationship with our spouse slip into second, third, or fourth place because something more important came up? As we speed through days, weeks, months, our lives become very complicated. There are meetings at school, sports events for our children, volunteer commitments, birthday celebrations, last minute shopping trips to replace that worn pair of tennis shoes, trips to the dentist and doctor.

We definitely need to slow down, but we also need to prioritize. What is really important? Putting chess night with his wife on the calendar and then keeping that night a high priority item says something about the value this man puts on his marriage and relationship with his wife. It also shows that he values his family and knows that the loving relationship he and his wife have is crucial to the family’s well-being. It’s important that children see their parents enjoying their time together and that they can actually carry on a conversation without their input.

Dinner out followed by a show is delightful. But, sometimes finances enter into the picture. It did for us when our seven children were all still at home. Eventually we produced our own succession of babysitters, but babysitters are an expense that many families find difficult to fit into the budget. We know of several couples that exchange childcare with each other so each couple can get out by themselves. Maybe Grandma and Grandpa or a generous aunt or uncle would enjoy coming over for the evening to sit with the children.

There are lots of inexpensive things to do. How about an adult ed class together? An exercise class? Language class? Cooking class? Dancing lessons? Throw the cross-country skis in the car and hit the trails for an hour or so. Do you ice skate? Go to an area park and hold hands while you circle the rink. If you live in a more temperate climate, get out those bikes and make a plan to try every trail in town. Biking out of the question? Go for long walks – and again, don’t forget to hold hands! For intellectual stimulation, find a church in your area that provides a Bible study. Is there a museum in your area that you would like to visit? Give them a call and find out if they offer an evening of free admission.

If dinner out at a restaurant is too expensive, I know a nice little place. When times were tough, Mike and I scheduled a romantic dinner for two after the children were in bed. We ate in the dining room with the good dishes and candles burning, soft music playing in the background.

Our children knew this was a special evening for the two of us and seemed to enjoy being part of the planning by setting the table, getting ready for bed quickly and enjoying their own special treat or snack before bed. Sometimes we arranged a romantic dinner for nine several days later, again using the good dishes, lighting the candles, music – the whole “nine” yards.

Mike and I still work on reprioritizing. When our children were younger, we worked hard at allowing time for each other. With only two children still living at home you would think that we’d have a great deal of time together. I hate to break the news to many of you, but things just don’t seem to slow down.

I mentioned to Mike that we really have to fit time together into our schedule. His first

response—When? The point is that this time will not surface in our lives by itself. Our lives have not slowed down and probably won’t. It’s time we used the gift certificate that has been sitting by the clock before it expires. Time to see that movie we’ve wanted to see before it is no longer in theaters and the video store no longer even considers it a “new release.”

Mike and I have also reinstituted our romantic dinners for two at home. Now that the children stay up later than we do, we have to enforce the “do not disturb “policy. Set one day each week aside for each other. Spend your time learning more about each other. Keeping up you friendship is vital to a healthy marital relationship and strong family life.

This article was originally published in 1998.